Too Late to Say I Love You?
by tt22123
Summary: Alec can't take it anymore. After the subway split he found out he was pregnant, when he has a miscarriage he feel like he has lost his last connection to the Warlock so decides that suicide is the answer. Can Izzy convince the Warlock to save her brother? TW; Suicide, Miscarriage, Self Harm Disclaimer; I do not own TMI, unfortunately.


_'Izzy, I love you. Let Jace, and even Clary, know that I love them too. Tell mum and dad that even though they didn't like my relationship with Magnus, which they were wrong about, I never stopped loving them or caring about them either._ __

 _I can't do this anymore Izz, I lost my last link to Magnus. Even my unborn baby had had enough of me and decided to leave, maybe that's because of who his daddy was, taking after Magnus that much that he couldn't stand to be near me._ __

 _I'm done with this life Isabelle, completely. I hate leaving you all behind but I don't feel like I'm even living anymore, I'm just surviving, and I don't want to do that either now._ __

 _I'll say hi to Max for all of you when I see him, not long now. You'll find me where it all ended for me, I think you know where I mean, if not, Magnus will. I'd like to say I'm sorry for leaving you Izz but I can't, and that's what hurts me most about doing this, because I know that I would do it again and so I'd be lying to say that I'm sorry._ __

 _Thank you for everything, I love you Isabelle, you're the best sister I've ever had. Alec. X'_

Alec sealed the letter in the envelope and pushed it under her door, knowing that he'd be long gone before she got back to the institute from the hunt she and Jace were doing. He wanted to think that he would hesitate, even slightly, but that wasn't the case at all. As soon as the note was in its final resting place he collected his bag and began the journey to what would be his. He didn't have to sneak out of the building as no one was around that would notice his leaving so a straight, final walk of the halls to the entrance was his solemn goodbye.

Upon reaching the abandoned subway station the man immediately sunk to the floor and began to get out the things from his bag that he had packed to use. Opening the bottle of prescription drugs and leaving the open container in front of him, he reached into the bag for a second time to remove the blade. He watched as he twisted it around slowly, the light glinting slightly off the metal while it span creating mesmerising patterns. It wasn't his seraph blade, that had been left at the institute for others to use, alongside his bow and quiver, merely a sharp knife he had stolen from a mundane hunting shop.

With avid curiosity Alec watched as he pressed the blade into the skin of his left forearm, feeling the way the skin moved with the knife slightly before quickly giving way to the metal as it slid deeper into his arm. He repeated the process on his other arm, happy in the knowledge that he had cut one of his arteries, if not both, before lifted the open bottle the contents into his mouth. A quick swig of water to wash them down was all it took as his vision began to fade and go black.

"Alec!" The only thought that passed through his head before giving into the sea of darkness was despair, he hadn't thought that Izzy would be there so soon, his unconscious mind prating that she wouldn't be able to bring him back, but somewhere the thought existed that the only way he could be saved was if they went to the one person who hated him more than anything at that moment.

Little did his unconscious mind realise that that was exactly what his sister would do once she had patched him up as much as she could. Leaving Jace to look after him in the institute infirmary while she took the long needed trip to Brooklyn.

Magnus was in his loft unsure of why his heart seemed as though it was suddenly gripped with cold when he heard frantic knocking at his door. He looked and noticed that it was Izzy and he snapped his fingers to change out of his dirty sweats into all of his glory so she couldn't see how badly the break up was affecting him. He took a deep breath as he opened the door and gave his practised speech to the woman stood there.

"I told Alec that I wasn't being your pet warlock anymore, I don't want to see any of you in my doorway again. I'm not getting back together with him so don't bother asking. You can just toddle off, and shut the door when you go." Magnus had barely spoken two words of his line before he had turned and stalked into his loft, leaving the shadowhunter stood in his door while he flopped onto the sofa.

"You absolute bastard! If this is what you really act like I am glad you aren't with Alec. He deserves better. Deserved. Deserves! I'm not here to ask you to get back together, I'm here to ask you to get my brother back for me." With this final sentence Izzy did something that no one had ever seen her do, nor did they ever think she would, she sank to her knees in the entrance to the warlock's apartment and began to sob.

"What do you mean 'deserved' Isabelle? Is Alec okay? What's wrong? What can I do to help? Where's he gone?"

"I've done everything I can Mags, he needs magic to heal him. I'm not asking you to forgive him just please, PLEASE, save him." Magnus moved back next to the girl and pulled the shaking teen into his arms as her whole body shook with the sobs she couldn't contain.

"What's wrong with him Izzy?"

"He- he was pregnant with your baby when you left him, he didn't know though until about three weeks after the split when we finally made him get checked out because of how ill he was."

"He's pregnant?" Magnus could barely contain the smile that graced his features after so many months, the corners of his lips lifting in joy.

"He was. The baby died Magnus, he lost his last connection to you when that happened. He- he was bad. He seemed to think that he had lost the baby because it took after you too much so it hated him so much that death was preferable to life with him. He tried to kill himself Mags, he tried to kill himself." Those 5 words began a solid chant, repeated over and over, each repetition prompting a heavy sob and for Izzy to head-butt Magnus' chest softly in despair. Those five words were all it took for Magnus' heart to shatter as he finally understood the ice that had wrapped it's way around it.

Most people know that Warlocks' can form portals to travel through but few know that in extreme situations, when there isn't time to make one, they are able to teleport instantly. That was what it took in this situation when he stood, Izzy still wrapped in his arms, and took the two of them instantly to the infirmary, assuming that would be where they would have taken Alec.

He stumbled slightly on landing as the weight of the crying girl threw him off somewhat but nevertheless he managed to right himself and placed the girl onto the lap of her blonde brother while he walked over to Alec's cold, and seemingly lifeless, body.

"Oh what did I do to you Alec?" he whispered while looking over the boy momentarily before he started to heal his wounds from the inside out, removing all toxins from his blood as he did so. After what seemed like a millenium but in reality was only a few hours he was done and just about ready to collapse from exhaustion.

"Magnus?" Izzy asked as she moved another bed closer just as the warlock began to fall, landing half on the bed that Izzy had moved over for him.

"Thanks." Magnus sighed as he pulled his entire body onto the infirmary cot and led so he could see Alec. "Can I stay with him tonight?"

"Of course Magnus, thank you. I don't think I could've lost him so soon after Max."

"No offense, but I didn't do it for you."

"I know, but thank you anyway."

"You can go get some sleep if you want Isabelle, I will watch over him and tell you if anything changes. He should just sleep for a few hours then he'll be fine, well he'll be healed physically. I don't know if I've screwed up so badly that he will be better emotionally."

"He'll hate me for keeping him alive but he still loves you, he just thinks that you can't stand his presence so maybe it would be best if you were here so he thinks that isn't true." Magnus looked distraught at her words but nodded to signal that he had heard them. Izzy stood looking at the two of them for a couple of minutes before walking out of the room having bid them both a quiet 'goodnight'.

It was around 3am, nearly 8 hours since Magnus had finished healing the teen, when he finally woke up again. Immediately he spied the hand holding his and followed the arm towards the figure he knew so well on the next bed. Cat-like eyes warily watching him as he watched back, neither knowing what to say but it was Alec who finally broke the silence.

"Not that I dislike the company but why does heaven look like the infirmary?"

"You're not in heaven."

"But that is the only reason you would be here, with me."

"I'm part demon, I wouldn't make it past those front pearly gates."

"Then why am I here?"

"You tried to kill yourself Alexander."

"I know, but why didn't it work?"

"Because Izzy and I, we saved you."

"WHY? I didn't want to be saved, I just wanted to die, I just want to die."

"I know you didn't, but I couldn't live without you, and nor could Izzy, or Jace, or Clary, even Simon."

"But you hate me, and they all have each other so they would be fine."

"I don't hate you Alexander."

"Oh no, that's right, you love me. So when shall I except your next disappearing act then?" Alec's words sounded harsh even in his own ears as the venom dripped from them and poisoned what little remained of Magnus' shattered and frozen heart.

"I'm not going anywhere without you anymore. Unless you tell me to."

"But I didn't want to be saved Mags."

"I know sayang, but I'm not sorry. I would do it again." Alec released a quiet, bitter chuckle at these words leaving Magnus watching him with confusion.

"That's essentially what I wrote in my note to Izzy." Magnus sobered at this point and he could feel the hot tears that began to blaze trails down his cheeks like fire until they pooled on the pillow. Alec noticed the silent crying and shifted, noticing how he wasn't in any pain, until he was led on the bed that had been pressed against his own. "Don't cry Mags, please, not because of me."

"I nearly lost you Alexander, I didn't even have a chance to tell you that I wanted you back and I almost lost you." Strong arms were wrapped around the warlock's back as he buried his face into Alec's chest, breathing in the familiar smell that could only be described as Alexander Gideon Lightwood.

"You- you want me back?"

"Always sayang, I will always want you back."

"But I- I killed our baby Magnus. I lost our little boy."

"You didn't kill him Alexander, these things happen, it shouldn't have even been possible since we are both half breeds so the simple fact that he existed is a miracle."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about him."

"I'm sorry that I pushed you away so much that you didn't want to tell me about him."

"I love you Magnus, I never stopped loving you but I just thought, well, you said you didn't want to speak or see me again so you wouldn't care. I wanted to tell you but I didn't want our baby to have a daddy who didn't care about him."

"Oh you silly nephilim." Magnus returned the hug he was being given as he leaned up to press a gentle kiss to Alec's jaw until said teen understood what he wanted and moved down to captures the other's lips with his own.

"That's me."

"I need to know Alexander, are you going to try again?"

"What?" Alec feigned ignorance.

"You know exactly what I mean Alec."

"Are you going to leave me again?" Magnus shook his head in response. "Then no."

"What about all the other scars I saw on your arms?" As Alec went to look down at his arms Magnus spoke up once more, "there's no point. They're all gone from when I healed you." Still the teen looked at his arms in a mixture of relief, despair and longing.

"I don't know. I haven't done it since I found out about the baby but there were days that I really wanted to. Days when it was so hard to breathe even but I knew that I couldn't just stop without hurting our boy, as it is I killed him anyway."

"ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD, YOU LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW! You did NOT kill our child. These things happen, got it?" Alec nodded but refused to meet Magnus' eyes at all, somewhat wary after his outburst. The room lapsed into silence while Alec tortured himself with worry that the warlock was already going back on what he said and that he wanted to leave. "Please promise me you'll try not to do it again," Magnus said a lot more softly as if sensing the teen working himself up. Again Alec just nodded while not meeting the cat-like gaze. "Talk to me little one."

"I promise."

"Thank you, but I meant tell me what's wrong. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

"I missed you Magnus."

"And I, you Alexander."

"I don't think I could lose you again."

"And you won't. That's my promise to you."


End file.
